Fifty Pounds.

About 5 and a half months ago I told myself that I was not allowed to write this blog post until I reached a very large goal I set for myself. There have been so many days in those 5 and a half months where I was so discouraged that I thought I'd never get to write these words. Those days, however, were greatly outnumbered by the days where I was so determined, nothing could stop me. Because of those days I get to say I lost 50 pounds. I am writing this only minutes after having gotten on the scale to find this out and am still in a bit of denial. In the last 4 years or so, I had basically just resigned myself to being fat for the rest of my life. When I went away to college, I gained A LOT of weight. Most gained the Freshman Fifteen. Let's just say I gained a lot more than that. From ages 17-20, I don't think I even stepped one foot near a scale, so I have no idea what I was at. I do know that my senior prom dress is now too big, though. That's about my only point of reference for that. Even though I have lost 50 pounds, I still have quite awhile to go before I am at a healthy weight. It's incredibly embarrassing to say that I even let myself get to a weight where losing this much is a possibility, but it's also incredibly exciting to be able to say that I've accomplished this. I have never been at a point in my life where I love myself and my body this much. The respect you start to have for your body when it takes hell from you and starts improving and doing things you never thought possible is incredible.

I chose to keep quiet about this from the beginning and only tell basically one friend and then family members because, honestly, I was too afraid of failure. I was afraid that once I told everyone I would fail and then I'd be stuck looking like an idiot. That's why I made this deal to myself. When I first started I said "You can tell the whole wide world if you want to, but you have to lost 50 pounds first." This never seemed like a possibility. I did not believe in myself at all. But all it took was for one person to believe in me and to start seeing changes, and suddenly I believed in me too. The support I have gotten from my family has been out of this world, and I realize I am incredibly fortunate to have that support system. 

When people find out or see that I've lost weight (like co-workers or extended family members), without fail the very first thing they ask will be "So what are you doing? What diet are you following?" Let me let you in on a secret: There is no secret to weight loss. All you do is eat right (fruits, vegetables, whole, fresh, or raw foods) and get active. That's it. And, yes, have some chocolate and wine too ;)

I am so proud of myself and honestly feel like the only way I can go now is up (except where the scale is concerned, lol). Every day it starts over and not every day is easy. So many days I wake up and say "Ugh, I don't want to pay attention to everything I put in my mouth today" or "Ugh, I don't want to go to the gym today". But you know what? I do it anyway. And I'm so glad I do, because I am so, so happy to be able to write this blog post today. I cried a profuse amount of tears after getting off the scale tonight. It's pretty easy to say that this is the largest accomplishment of my life thus far, and I am so, so happy. 

Below I'm going to include a few pictures. It is taking a lot of confidence to post these pictures and I am incredibly nervous about it. I guess I like to feel like I live in this internet world where I control how the  internet people get to see me, and I tried my hardest to make sure they never knew how overweight I was. Yet, here I am in all my glory. 

On the left is me at what was probably my heaviest, on the right is me about 2 minutes ago.

This is the only before/during picture I have that doesn't involve me in my bra and panties (sorry, blog-type friends lol). On the left is me in January at my 21st birthday (just about the starting point of all of this) and on the right is me about 2 months and 20 pounds ago. I don't have a decent mirror to do a during picture right this very moment, but just subtract 20 more pounds from the girl on the right and you have an idea :)

This is a more recent picture. Left: January 8, 2012, Right: June 1,  2012

April Favorites

I know, I know, I know. It's been awhile. My first semester back to college after taking 8 months off just sort of kicked my ass. But, here I am! With my April/the last 4 months Favorites!

• Tresemmé Split Remedy conditioner
• I actually just recently purchased this and am already so in love with it that I have to include it in this list. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while at work the other day and my hair just look atrocious. I already have problems with my hair because it's so horribly fine. Seriously, if I put my hair in a pony tail, it's only about as thick as my pointer finger. I also have a problem with the ends looking horrible because over a year ago now I had a horrible hair dye mishap that resulted in the stripping and re-dyeing of my hair. The part of my hair is finally grown out enough to be towards the ends, which is great, but it makes my ends more easily damaged and also a slightly different shade than the rest of my hair which tends to make the ends look even more damaged than they are. I use hair protectants every day when blow drying, but it just doesn't always work and because of my super fine hair I am limited with the amount of product I can use on my hair. Anyway, I immediately noticed a difference the very first day I started using this conditioner. My hair was soft, my ends looked less damaged, and as an added bonus, it smelled incredible! I was previously using Aussie's Aussome Volume shampoo, which I love, but did nothing to take care of my hair. Super glad I made the switch. I think I will be switching to the Split Remedy shampoo as well when my Aussome Volume shampoo runs out. 
• fresh Sugar Rosé tinted lip treatment
• I received this as a sample in my March Birchbox and immediately fell head-over-heels in love. It's a really perfect your-lips-but-better red shade, is super moisturizing, and has an amazing smell and taste. I even splurged and spent the $23 to buy the full size product (it's worth it, I promise!). 
• Urban Decay All Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray
• I've been wanting to try this product for quite some time but wasn't sure about spending the $30 on the full-size bottle. I picked up the travel size at Ulta during one of their Urban Decay events and I love it! I've never really had a problem with my makeup staying because I don't have oily skin so my makeup doesn't move around or smudge, but I really like the spray as an extra layer of moisture and protection. 
• Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Sin
• I've always heard really great things about Urban Decay's primers, but never felt the need to try them out. Like I said, I don't have much of a problem with my makeup staying, but I wanted to give it a try. I particularly like this shade because it has some shimmer to it so it works as a brow highlight when you're wearing shadow, or you can wear it without shadow and it just evens out the skin tone on the eyelid and gives it a nice shimmer. I really, really like it and can't picture myself liking any primer more than this one!
• Urban Decay Naked Palette
• Apparently this is the Urban Decay month! This is partially because I had an Ulta Friends & Family 20% off coupon which is good for Urban Decay and you can't normally use coupons on Urban Decay. I wasn't about to use that 20% off on any old stuff! I bought the Naked 2 palette in February, but I don't believe I ever wrote about it on my blog (I'll do a review of it at some point). I heard a lot of people say that if you have one palette, you don't need the other, and I listened to that so I only bought the second one. I had never purchased the first one because when it came out I was in no financial position to spend that much money on a palette. The second one came at a time when I could finally afford something like that. I went with the second one because 1) I was told either one would work and 2) It was the newest one. Now that I own both I could not imagine not having both! It's true that they are very alike and both create neutral looks, but I think they are both fairly different neutral looks. I think the first palette is more suitable to the looks I normally go for. I'm especially a fan of Virgin (like, seriously obsessed with it. I even bought the single of it because I love it so much), and there isn't really a similar shade in the Naked 2 palette. The closest shades in the Naked 2 palette are Foxy and Bootycall, but Foxy is a pretty matte tan color and Bootycall is a fairly shimmery peach color. I like Virgin because it's a slightly shimmery champagne color which is exactly the kind of color I prefer for all over my lid. That being said, there isn't a shade in the Naked palette I really like for my crease. The Naked 2 palette, however, has a ton of colors I enjoy as crease colors: YDK, Verve, Suspect, Pistol, and Snakebite. Whether or not to get both of the palettes is completely up to you and I think entirely depends upon your particular taste in makeup for you face! 
• Bath & Body Works Coconut Water candle
• I picked this candle up during their 2/$20 candle sale a couple months ago and I love it! It's the perfect scent for Spring and Summer. It reminds me of tanning lotion, which I love the smell of. As soon as I light it, it's like I'm at the beach (just minus the awful things like heat and sand). I also picked up the Jungle Kiss candle, which is also quite lovely, although I picked it up moreso because the color matched my room than because of the scent ;) 
• Kérastase Elixir Ultime
• I was always a bit iffy about hair oil, but I really, really like this stuff. It gives a great scent to my hair, smoothes it out, and just makes it feel healthy. It is $54 though, so it is quite expensive. I think it's worth it, though. Particularly if you have frizzy hair.
• Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint
• I've tried tinted moisturizers before but never had any luck. This one, however, might be the love of my life. It makes my skin look radiant, doesn't look like I'm wearing any makeup, and evens out my skin tone. 
• Dermalogica Daily Microexfoliant
• Because I have dry skin I have to exfoliate a lot. The problem is, a lot of exfoliators I find are also cleansers, which is not what I want because they are often too harsh for my skin or mess up my skin care routine because I won't be able to use them every day and when I switch between cleansers my skin tends to break out. This exfoliator, however, is JUST an exfoliator, so I am able to use whatever cleanser I want! I've noticed a huge difference using this and it's a super easy powder to work with! You just do a couple shakes into the palm of your hand, get it a little wet, and then mix it into a paste that you rub all over your face for about a minute or so. No drying out, only exfoliating. It's lovely!
• Aveeno Ultra-Calming Foaming Cleanser 
• Because I've been away from my blog for awhile, I don't think I ever mentioned the horrible skin problems I had for the majority of the first part of this year. I've never had any problems with my skin before, but suddenly I couldn't get a handle on it. I think one of the reasons was that I was using too harsh of cleansers. My skin isn't exactly sensitive, but it is dry, and because it doesn't really have many problems, a gentle cleanser works just fine. I finally tried this cleanser hoping it would clear things up and IT DID! It feels so nice to finally have my skin back again! Not to mention it's cheap and lasts a long time. 
• Aveeno Ultra-Calming Daily Moisturizer
• Along with skin problems, I also had a really hard time finding a moisturizer for me. Because I have such dry skin and because it was such a dry winter, my skin was so difficult to keep moisturized (another reason my skin went crazy, I'm sure). I tried a million different kinds and all of them still left my skin feeling dry afterwards. I tried outrageously expensive ones and cheap drugstore ones, but nothing seemed to work. When I started using the cleanser I decided to try the moisturizer as well. It's amazing. Although I still have to apply a few layers in the morning after my shower, I don't have to reapply throughout the day. It has a bit of an odd smell to it (too flowery for my tastes), but other than that, it's amazing. Hopefully I will still be able to use it throughout the summer once it gets humid out. My skin seems to be getting pickier with age, so who knows.