Immediate Reaction to Breaking Dawn Part 1

When I first got out of Breaking Dawn, I had so many emotions and thoughts going through my head and I knew that I would never be able to keep them all alive for the 20 minute drive home from the theater. So I did what any crazy person would do - I turned the voice recorder from my phone on and just talked and talked and talked the entire drive home (yes, the entire drive). And this is what poured out:

"They did an amazing job on everything. It's incredible what a good director can do for a movie because Catherine Hardwicke just murdered Twilight. And it sucks because it was such a loved story, especially by me, but of course by others too. She just ruined it and made it a joke and Breaking Dawn went and stole that title right fucking back and it was incredible. They did an amazing job with everything. There wasn't a single thing in the movie where I went and said 'You know what, they could have done this better' because they couldn't. I have never, ever walked into a movie that was based on a book and walked out thinking 'That was better than how I pictured it. They took what I loved and made it better'. I have never had that happen. Not with Harry Potter, not with Twilight, not with any book ever. That's one of the reasons I was kind of nervous about going to see this, because I didn't want to see another thing I love get ruined by somebody doing a half-assed job just to make money. It's why I don't really want to go see the Hunger Games. And it kind of just restored my faith that it is possible for them to do a good job on a movie and not murder it and not make it this horrible, horrible thing, you know? It is possible for them to do the book justice. And this is the first of the movies to be produced by Stephenie Meyer, which I think made a huge difference. It, of course, also helped that they had a great director like Bill Condon who has directed amazing movies like Dreamgirls. But, I mean, it was incredible. Everything about it was incredible. They did an incredible job. I don't know what they did for Bella's body. I dont know if she lost weight for it. Obviously at some parts she was using a body double or a wax figure, but I'm not sure the extent of that (I have since looked, and Kristen said it was almost all digital. Which is amazing. They did such a good job making her look that way.). Because it is true, and I didn't really think about it or think they would do anything about it in the movie, but she did lose weight and was practically on the edge of death, and they really did make her look that way . . . I have no words. Well, clearly I have a lot of words. It was amazing. Every part of it. And they stuck so true to the book. Other than the French clan who comes to visit for the wedding...Other than that, they really stuck to every single detail. There really wasn't a part where I was like...Well, I mean, during the honeymoon they kind of combined a few nights into one night, which is fine. I mean, not a big deal. Obviously they can't show every night of them having sex, although I really wouldn't be opposed to it. That's literally the only thing that I can think of that wasn't entirely true to the books. Other than that, though...Having just re-read the book, you know, it felt like I was watching the book in action. And, the thing is, when I go see books onscreen - Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Harry Potter, whatever - you know, I expect to walk out and be sad because they took my world away from me, they took what I imagined away from me. And this time I walked out thinking 'They didn't take anything away from me, they gave me something better. They gave me something. I got something out of this. I didn't get anything taken away.' Like, that, I mean, is beautiful. The entire movie I was glued to the screen. I felt like I was in the world. And, of course, it helped that I saw all 3 of the previous movies right beforehand, but, I mean, I just felt like I was, like I was watching the book. I was watching it play in my mind, like I do when I read it, except better...even better than I could have imagined. The wedding dress was beautiful. I would have changed a few things on it, but it was beautiful. When I'm reading I picture the world around the character moreso than I picture the character and what they're wearing or anything like that so what the characters look like isn't a huge deal to me, but how the world looks is, and I thought they did great. I was really worried about when they go on their honeymoon because I have that very much stuck in my head how I think it looks and they made it even better. I mean, I'm so, so happy right now...It sounds so weird right now, but I have never felt that way walking out of a movie. I always feel like they took something from me and I don't feel that way this time. I feel like I got something. They gave me the gift of seeing a world I love come to life. I love Twilight, and so many people don't. So many people hate it, and I think a lot of people just blindly hate it. They've read it, but they've read it with the predisposition that it would suck. And when you go into something thinking it's gonna suck, guess what? It sucks. You know, you have to have an open mind when you go in to things. And I think that's a lot of the problem - people went into Twilight thinking it was going to suck because so-and-so said it's gonna suck. It's hard for me to understand how somebody could hate it because, to me, I see this beautiful, wonderful story and I talk to other people and they see this horrible, horrible story and I'm like 'Where are you seeing that? I don't see it!' And I think each story is something different to somebody. The characters that I see and the story that I see are created from my memories and from my views on life. So I'm creating my own story. Yeah, the base is the same, but I'm still creating the story and these characters in my head, and, you know, every detail of every character can't be put into the book and you kind of fill those in with your memories and your thoughts and your characteristics. And the characters I've created for Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are beautiful characters. People say Bella is just a girl who bows down to Edward and doesn't stand up for herself, blah, blah, blah. I don't see that! I see her as a protector, willing to put the people she loves above herself, and I don't think that's a cowardice thing to do. I think it's a heroic thing to do. I know I couldn't do it. I would put myself first. Maybe that makes me the coward. Well, I know it does, but it's true. You could say 'She's no Hermione Granger', but of course she's not! This isn't fucking Harry Potter! Shut the fuck up! Of course she's not Hermione Granger. And people say Edward is overly protective, blah, blah, blah. Well, first of all, yeah, he is a lot creepier and over-protective in the movies. But I think you are over anybody you love. Think of how protective your parents are. You don't think they would do anything to protect you? You don't think they've ever sat there and watched you sleep just because they were amazed by the beauty of your existence? Of course they have! And you also have to realize how fragile Bella seems to him. It's just...I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. You can explain it a million times to people who hate it, but they're still going to hate it because that's how they feel. And that's fine, because you could talk to me a million times about how much it sucks and why it sucks and I would still come back loving it just because I do. I hate bringing Harry Potter into this conversation because it shouldn't even be a thing. I don't compare Twilight to, I don't know, the Hunger Games. I just don't. Because they're 2 separate stories and in 2 separate worlds. There's no point in comparing them. But for some reason, for some stupid fucking reason, Twilight and Harry Potter are always, always put together and compared. I don't get it. For what Harry Potter was for so many people, Twilight is that for me. And I know that's hard for some people to understand. I've just cried sometimes because I missed out on the Harry Potter thing but I can't go back and change that. I can't go back and change my parents' mind. I can't go back and make them let me read Harry Potter, you know? I can't do that! And so I didn't get the Harry Potter experience and it sucks and I hate it, but I did get the Twilight experience and Twilight was that for me. I think to understand why I love Twilight so much, you have to go back and be in my head and in my shoes during the time in which I started reading Twilight. You have to understand that at that point in my life I was a very lonely, very broken girl. I was, you know, I was cutting myself, I was literally on the verge of suicide. Anything could have set me off. I have never in my life been closer to suicide than the time I picked up Twilight. There were a lot of factors that went in to me feeling like that and Twilight got to be this thing where I could escape and I could feel again. And even if I was just feeling the emotions of these characters, I was at least feeling something. You know, because at this point in my life, I wasn't feeling anything except for pain and heartache and sadness and loneliness. And when Twilight came in to my life, I started feeling again and I started feeling with the characters. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm such a part of it. It sounds so cliche, but Twilight kind of saved me. It gave me something to care about, it gave me a reason. You know, and I've heard people say that about Harry Potter, but it's like mine is a joke because it's Twilight. But it's not a joke to me. (I'm taking out about a 2 minute rant about "pretentious assholes, haha) It was there for me. It gave me something to relate to. People say that when Edward left and Bella was so depressed and blah, blah, blah...it described depression so well - that loneliness, that emptiness...I could relate to that. In her, I found a voice, I found a way to describe to the world how I was feeling at that point in my life. I didn't know how to explain how I felt to the people around me and Bella Swan gave me that voice. And you can hate her and say that she was this poorly developed character, but I disagree with you. I will always disagree with you. And if you knew the Bella Swan that I know and love, you wouldn't think that either. Like I said, characters are created by what we bring to them, and if you walk into a book thinking 'This is gonna suck', you're not going to put anything into those characters except for what you see. And the characters that you see when you read a book are incomplete. You have to complete them. To me, it's an amazing book, and I have never seen a movie do a book more justice than that movie. And I do not make it a secret that I am no Kristen Stewart fan and I think that she just killed this character that I love, and in Breaking Dawn she brought that character back to life and made me love her again. It was amazing."

Reasons To Be Happy

Today was an exceptionally wonderful day, and I thought I'd make a list I can look back at when I'm having a not-so-great day.

1. Woke up early. I always say that I hate waking up early, but whenever I do I feel so much better and I get a lot more done.
2. Took the effort to look decent. I wore my go-to outfit of an oversized sweater and boots. Specifically, I wore plum colored boots, skinny jeans, and a tan sweater. I also added a vintage owl necklace with turquoise eyes that used to be my grandma's.
3. Met up with my best friend. When you don't get to see people as often as you'd like, it sometimes becomes easy to forget all the reasons why you love them. It's always nice to be reminded of those reasons.
4. Went to my favorite restaurant and ordered my favorite meal. With so much pressure in the world to fit into the smallest size possible, it can be easy to look at food as the enemy. Food isn't the enemy, though, and it should definitely be enjoyed (within moderation, of course).
5. Paid for lunch. Having enough money to pay for things can be a trial these days, for sure, but it's really a nice feeling to buy something for someone else on occasion.
6. Went shopping. The term "retail therapy" exists for a reason - sometimes it really does feel nice to buy yourself some nice treats! Today's treats included  NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Cottage Cheese, eos Lip Balm in sweet mint (which was a gift for my friend), The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson, a Great Gatsby bag, and a plush TARDIS which makes noise and lights up (the best buy EVER!). I was very happy to find the TARDIS since I went to Hot Topic and came across a Doctor Who shirt that didn't come in my size and then FYE which was sold out of Doctor Who shirts. I was so excited about the TARDIS! All of the things may seem insignificant and unimportant, but it feels nice to get those things once in a while.
7. Enjoyed the first snowfall of the season. Living in Michigan, I definitely have a love-hate relationship with snow, but the first snowfall is always magical. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives and our jobs and our relationships that we forget to appreciate the simple things in life - like water droplets in the air freezing and then falling to the ground.
8. Came home to my Birchbox. I'm a firm believer in sending yourself packages on occasion. Everyone likes getting gifts and everyone likes getting mail, and packages are like those two combined! One of the reasons I love Birchbox is that I get a gift for myself for only $10 a month - and it's always something I want. With the surprise of not knowing what it is, it makes it even better! It's like Christmas every month! In this month's Birchbox (which I will probably do a separate post about later), I got Atelier Cologne Vanille Insensee, BORGHESE Fango Active Mud Face & Body, LaROCCA Champagne and Shimmer Supreme Cremé, Paperdolls Drink Coasters, Zoya nail lacquer in Izzy from their Gems & Jewels Collection, and BaubleBar Black Wood Pop Bracelet. I thought last month's Birchbox was great, but this one just completely topped it. It was incredible! So happy with everything I got! You can sign up for Birchbox by clicking here!
9. Enjoyed the beginning of Harry Potter Marathon Weekend on ABC Family. There's nothing like watching a good movie and getting lost in a world you enjoy. There's also nothing like watching your favorite movies on TV. You can watch them a million times on DVD, but they're always better on TV. It's kind of like when your favorite song comes on the radio.

The point is, even though life can get you down sometimes, you have to remember the good and appreciate the little things.

NaNoWriMo progress (or lack thereof)

I know, I know, I know. I know what's going through your head right now. She's giving up already?! Well, yes and no. Before you laugh at me, let me explain. On the last day of October one of my managers at work quit, following another manager who quit just 3 days before. Those hours (which were a collective 75 hours a week) now fall onto the shoulders of the rest of the employees, me being one of them, until we can find new managers. The one day off I had this week was the last day of October and I have no days off next week, so essentially for the first two weeks (and also into the foreseeable future) I don't get a day off. That is until the third week of November when I have some fairly major dental work happening, which will put me out of commission for at least a day, possibly two. What I'm saying is, until at least the 20th of November, my life will be nothing except work. Well, that's 2/3 of NaNoWriMo just gone out the window. And it sucks. I really love my story and I love my characters and I honestly think it has a lot of potential, but right now I just can't give it the time and commitment that it deserves. And you know what, there are way worse problems to have than "too much" work, so I'm not too sad about this (my feet are another story).
With that being said, what I've decided to do instead is something I've dubbed NaNoReMo (National Novel Reading Month) because as I sat here last night and debated NaNo I realized that I haven't actually finished a book in a long time. I've started a million of them, but then, for some reason, I get busy with something and throw it to the wayside. According to my Good Reads account, which I keep pretty updated, the last book I finished was Mockingjay on January 15, 2011. And, honestly, I'm pretty sure it's right. That means I haven't finished a book in almost a year. A YEAR. I know, it's horrible. Just horrible. And I love reading! I don't know what happened. This year was just so crazy for me I guess. BUT, this will all change during NaNoReMo. I even realized that every single book I purchased during the Austin Teen Book Festival in 2009 has gone unread. This is the list of books I am following for NaNoReMo (I'm not saying I'll finish the list, just that these are books I have to read and want to be part of this):

1. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer (No, I don't want to hear about it. Yes, I've read it before. I want to read it again before the movie. I didn't read any of the other books over before the movie, so I thought I should for at least one of them. It's my last chance to see it in my head like I see it and not how the movie will depict it.)
2. Paper Towns by John Green (Yes, I know that it's horrible that I've never read it. I've owned it for like 3 years, but I've just honestly never read it. I think it's time.)
3. Tips on Having a Gay (ex)Boyfriend by Carrie Jones
4. The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson
5. The Lovers Dictionary by David Levithan
6. Matched by Ally Condie
7. Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler
8. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger