I chose to write this post for two reasons. 1) It's been a long time since I wrote a blog post and I clearly bombed the 30 Day Challenge in September, and 2) I'm having a pretty difficult time deciding on a major and I thought this might be a way to help me decide.
I'm basically torn between 3 different areas of study - child development/teaching, graphic design/photography, and political science. The reasons why I'm drawn to each of these areas of study are completely different, thus making it even more difficult.
I've been saying since just after I started college that child development was what I wanted to study. After working at a summer camp with children for the past few summers I realized how much I truly loved working with kids. I later added a teaching degree on to it just for good measure and job security. I can still do the other things I wanted that have nothing to do with teaching, but I could teach if it came down to it.
Graphic design/photography is something that's always interested me. My dad's a professional photographer and owns a photography company, so it's something that I've always enjoyed and been surrounded by. When I really think "Hey, if you had to wake up tomorrow and whatever you did was what you had to do for the rest of your life, what would you do?" And I think the answer is that I would open up Photoshop and start designing. I'm not very good at it, but that's the whole point of studying it, isn't it? Not to mention, it's not like I couldn't take over the family business if I wanted... I mean, I don't think it is something I'd want, but it's an idea.
Political science is the major I wrote on my first application to college and it's the major I went in to college to study. Politics and government are some of my favorite things in the world. I know a lot of people hate anything to do with politics, but I just love it.
Here's the problem, though...I let fear run my life and it's the reason I can't decide what I want to do. If I could just wipe away the fear and the doubt and the "That's too hard, you can't do it"'s out of my head, I know the answer would be sitting clear in front of me. Is it smart to make a choice about what you want to do with your life based on how easy you think it'll be to find a job in 10 years? Or is that smart? I don't know, but the fear that I won't be able to find a job in whatever area I study is absolutely terrifying to me. I'm scared that if I choose graphic design/photography I'll sit at my computer all day and gain 300 pounds. I'm scared that I'm too shy to be involved in government, even the backseat of government. I'm scared that I won't get the hang of graphic design and I'll get angry and give up. I'm scared that I'll hate having to get up super early every day for child development/teaching and start hating my job and resenting the kids. I'm scared that if I major in political science I'll have no choice but the move to Washington, DC, which has always been a dream place for me, but I also don't want to be stuck there, and I'm not necessarily interested in city or state government. I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decision and I'll be so far in debt that I'll have no choice but to work my ass off at a job I hate to pay for the schooling that got me there.
And if I take all of that fear away, what do I have left? What is it that I want to do? If I stop worrying about the money or the location or the difficulty or any of that, if I just ask myself "What do you want to do?", what do I have left? I think the answer might be graphic design, but let me know what you think.
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